How to Experience Change in Your Relationship

How to Experience Change in Your Relationship

Relationship change is hard because it challenges the archetypes--expected behaviors, reactions, desires--that we develop about our partner over the course of our relationship. We create archetypes about our partners early in our relationships--sometimes in our first meetings. It's often easier for us to deal with the flawed partner that we know rather than the mysterious partner with potential that we don't know.

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How to Change Your Perspective

How to Change Your Perspective

A world with -4.50 vision (or worse) is awfully frightening, and requires a heightened sense of hypervigilance to get through. We can help correct your sight and perspective, so that you can see your partner (and yourself) through 20/20 vision and have the best relationship possible.

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When Humor Doesn't Work

When Humor Doesn't Work

Humor doesn't work in relationships when it is critical or blaming, when it avoids important conversations, attacks other people, is inappropriately timed, and when it is self-effacing. Read more about how these styles of humor hurt your relationship.

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Adult Children and their Parents

Adult Children and their Parents

Problems with families primarily happen because family members get stuck transitioning between developmental stages. As young adults, we want so badly for our parents to see us in the current developmental stage we're in, but our desire to prove to our parents that we're capable of adulting keeps us stuck in ongoing negative interactions.

South Shore Family is launching the Boston Center for Relationship Education this summer, where we provide workshops around building healthier relationships. Check out "After You've Left the Roost: How to Improve Communication Between Parents and Adult Children" on July 19

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Fidelity

Fidelity

We know the word infidelity, which has become synonymous with "sexual external relationship". But what does fidelity actually mean? Fidelity seems to come from the Latin verb "fidere", which means to trust. The word confide means to trust in or trust with. Fidelity represents one's ability to create and stick to the agreements within a relationship.

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Moving Past Silence

Moving Past Silence

Simply being heard and understood goes a long way toward regaining intimacy. Our job in relationships is to relate, which means validating our partner’s perspective and doing our best to understand it.

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Silent Intimacy Killers

Silent Intimacy Killers

Stephen Duclos reflects on four silent intimacy killers--unseen symptoms that negatively impact a relationship: anxiety, resentment, absence of touch, and feeling responsibility for things that aren't your responsibility.

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Dating

Dating

In our first 2017 episode of the podcast Under the Covers, Stephanie Wallace and I talk about dating. We define dating as the period of time between searching for a new partner and defining the relationship either as exclusive or as part of an open relationship. Stephanie and I provide a bunch of dating gems for people looking to explore dating, including the following:

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Choosing a Couples Therapist

Choosing a Couples Therapist

There are many therapists who claim to do relational counseling, so how do you know who to rely on to fight for your relationship?

If you're looking for marriage counseling or couples therapy, please ask about the credentials of your therapist. Our couples therapists have years of training in couples therapy. Most of us are licensed specifically to practice marriage and family therapy (LMFT), and our license requires us to have much more than the minimum requirements that I suggest in the blog post, which means that we have a significant understanding of how relationship dynamics operate and how to help you create positive, long-lasting new interactions.

We hope that our quality of services and our combined experience and knowledge about relationships will diminish any hesitations about the price of couples therapy, particularly once you begin to notice changes in the quality of communication between you and your partner.

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LGBTQ Families and Holidays

LGBTQ Families and Holidays

Same-sex couples often experience a uniquely complicated process with their families of origin. This begins with coming out and identifying as an LGBTQ person, and we recognize that many people will be spending their first holidays with their families either as an LGBTQ-identified person or in a new LGBTQ relationship. This article provides some tips for coming out to your family of origin.

Once family members begin to identify and work through their emotional experience, it generally becomes easier to figure out how to do the relationship moving forward, which may include the establishment of clear boundaries, particularly if parents are stuck in anger and criticism. Establishing boundaries with families can be challenging for long-term same-sex relationships as well. We provide tips for same-sex couples in which there's a continual need for establishing boundaries with families of origin.

 

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Regarding Sex Addiction

Regarding Sex Addiction

South Shore Family and South Shore Sexual Health join with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists in standing against language of sex addiction to describe the sexual behaviors and desires of people with high levels of sexual excitement and low levels of sexual inhibition. Problems may arise in relationships between people with differing levels of excitement and inhibition, but these are relational dynamics that can be discussed through couples and sex therapy.

We will talk about sexual urges, thoughts, and behaviors as natural sexual processes, as ways of exploring who you are and how you can grow both individually and relationally. We will continue to discuss sexuality from a pleasure-centric model, where sex is a way of celebrating the positive sensations and physiological processes of our bodies. And we will continue to explore sexuality in individual and couples contexts, where sex is representative of a decision making process by which you combine intimacy, growth, and pleasure.

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Chivalry and Relationships

Chivalry and Relationships

The chivalry narrative, a narrative where men protect and take care of women, creates double binds for both genders. It tells women that they have positive qualities that are worth protecting, but the ensuing protection communicates that they are weak and incompetent. It discourages men from expressing needs, wants, and desires while expecting them to be able to concretely express what we want and expect in the bedroom.

This article provides tips for couples seeking to attain more equal relationships by moving away from gendered expectations.

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Families and Holidays

Families and Holidays

A couple relationship can be a venue for setting a boundary with your family of origin. In Episode 8 of Under the Covers, Stephanie Wallace and Jeremiah Gibson provide some tips for people seeking to celebrate the holidays with families while maintaining their adultness. They also talk about ways to establish new rituals for each stage of your relationship, rituals that may or may not involve other family members.

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Military Relationships

Military Relationships

The emotional and psychological challenges that our military members face during and after deployment play significant impacts on their relationships. In Episode 7 of Under the Covers, Jeremiah Gibson and Stephanie Wallace discuss how military couples can improve their relationship during deployment, while a military member reintegrates following deployment, and if PTSD affects one or both partners.

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