Choosing a Couples Therapist

Choosing a Couples Therapist

There are many therapists who claim to do relational counseling, so how do you know who to rely on to fight for your relationship?

If you're looking for marriage counseling or couples therapy, please ask about the credentials of your therapist. Our couples therapists have years of training in couples therapy. Most of us are licensed specifically to practice marriage and family therapy (LMFT), and our license requires us to have much more than the minimum requirements that I suggest in the blog post, which means that we have a significant understanding of how relationship dynamics operate and how to help you create positive, long-lasting new interactions.

We hope that our quality of services and our combined experience and knowledge about relationships will diminish any hesitations about the price of couples therapy, particularly once you begin to notice changes in the quality of communication between you and your partner.

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Chivalry and Relationships

Chivalry and Relationships

The chivalry narrative, a narrative where men protect and take care of women, creates double binds for both genders. It tells women that they have positive qualities that are worth protecting, but the ensuing protection communicates that they are weak and incompetent. It discourages men from expressing needs, wants, and desires while expecting them to be able to concretely express what we want and expect in the bedroom.

This article provides tips for couples seeking to attain more equal relationships by moving away from gendered expectations.

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Military Relationships

Military Relationships

The emotional and psychological challenges that our military members face during and after deployment play significant impacts on their relationships. In Episode 7 of Under the Covers, Jeremiah Gibson and Stephanie Wallace discuss how military couples can improve their relationship during deployment, while a military member reintegrates following deployment, and if PTSD affects one or both partners.

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Now on iTunes...

Now on iTunes...

Check out Under the Covers on iTunes! We've recently released two new episodes--one on substance use and couple relationships, and one on the experiences of military couples. You can also find us on Stitcher.

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Under the Covers Episode 3

Under the Covers Episode 3

In Episode 3 of Under the Covers, Stephanie and Jeremiah break down this dance between pursuing and distancing. They discuss the strong emotional needs that may keep partners in the pursue-distance dance, and explore ways of effectively creating new dance steps.

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Anxiety: The Unwanted Relational Offspring

Anxiety: The Unwanted Relational Offspring

Anxiety often shows up in the context of our relational life.  Trying to understand yourself and your partner is an ongoing task and the stakes are high because the outcome is important to you. Meaningful connection is not possible without vulnerability.  Anxiety, however, is optional.  And even if anxiety arrives, how long it stays is up to you.

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Confidants for Relationships

Confidants for Relationships

Playing the role of confidant for the relationship of your friend (or worse, a family member) can leave you in a really uncomfortable situation. For one thing, you often only get one side of the story, and in a worst case scenario, you feel compelled to support your friend and break a potential friendship with his/her partner. And for another thing, what an enormous sense of responsibility to talk with someone about their relationships!

Feel free to send your friends our way. Our couples therapists are trained and licensed to help couples work through a diversity of issues

 

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The Sexual Double Standard

The Sexual Double Standard

The sexual double standard affects the way that young men and women talk about sexuality.

Women are far more likely to be on the receiving end of embarrassment and shame than men. After all, men gain social status for their sexual exploits. Women are more likely to be emblazoned with a capital A (or, in 2016, a capital S, for slut) for theirs.

The sexual double standard follows women and men into long-term committed relationships. Learn more about how, and how we can break the power of these social messages around sexuality:

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Millennials

Millennials

One of the significant challenges of our generation is the collision between the technological revolution and the larger cultural narrative of "Safety First". It's less risky to stay at home with mom and dad than to live on our own and develop our own domestic and financial decisions. It's less risky to build relationships through texting and social media than to rely on face-to-face interactions.

We millennials come by our anxiety honestly, and it has the power to significantly effect relationships by encouraging avoidance, the lack of clarity in our interpersonal and sexual needs, and distorting realistic expectations.

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Understanding Distancing

Understanding Distancing

One of the most common complaints we get during our intake calls is the following: “My partner doesn’t communicate with me.”

Which is interesting, for one, because we’re always communicating. I could be silently sitting in the corner of the room with my back turned to you, and I’m communicating that I’m upset, or that I don’t want to talk to you.

More importantly, this sentiment gives us an early clue to what might be happening in your relationship.

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Arguing in Front of Your Kids

Arguing in Front of Your Kids

Think of the last argument that you had with your partner.

If you have children, where were they during your dispute? Did you turn them away? Did you notice them joining the fray at any point? Did you even notice them?

Our couples therapists can help you and your partner develop more effective ways of handling conflict–respectful, organized methods that leave you feeling more refreshed and valued and your children less anxious and more secure.

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When We Ask About Alcohol...

When We Ask About Alcohol...

So when we ask our couples to not drink during the course of couples therapy, we aren’t attempting to impose the Prohibition into your relationship.

We’re doing a science experiment of sorts that asks: What happens if/when alcohol isn’t a part of your relationship?

Alcohol becomes a variable that we can isolate and remove so that we can observe the types of relationship changes that happen in the absence of alcohol.

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